Monday, December 28, 2009

If only you could hear

A text in my note-book,  
5 articles in my drawer,  
A sketch in my diary,  
A picture in the hard disk,  
An IM on my cell,  
A conversation in my mind,  
Impressions on my heart,  
Memories in my eyes,  
Emotions in my Soul, 
is what makes...  
YOU Live In ME.
Your voice makes me tremble even now, as if it was the first time we spoke. I still sleep over every single conversation we had, as if it was the last one. I dream you everyday, as if it the last thing to dream. I pray for you everyday, as if I was never to live. I call you everyday, as if it was the farewell day. I altercate with you in most of our conversations, as if I've loved you enough. I say 'goodbye forever' at the end, as if you would call me up again. I hear you in every song I listen, I see you in every character I dream of. You've got inside me so much, as if we were soul-mate. I feel so lost in you, that I hear nothing around. If you could hear me, hear all that I say each day. If you could see me, see the sleepless nights I had thinking about you, if you could fell, feel the love I've for you, if you could smell, smell the fragrance of amity we have between us. If only you were I, you would have understood it. Somewhere I know, even you feel and think the same. You never said, but I can hear every time you say a 'hello'. I never said, but you always heard, each time I said 'bye'. Such a strange relation we share !! We say everything, still nothing. We mean everything, still nothing, we see everything, still nothing. I can bear this no longer, I die each day I live, I live each day I feel for you. I want you to know what I feel, I want you to say what you see. This silence is unbearable. I see our love in each fairy-tale, I see the same end of our lovely tale. Such things I've never felt and I know I won't ever. Everything that was ever in me, belonged to you. And it shall always be ! I still look into your eyes  just to let you know what all I felt. I still say things in a way to make you hear all that I never said. I look at you each day, I call you each day just with a hope that you'll hear THE UNSAID. And all my hopes say - ' If only you could hear'

  Things for which I did say "it never mattered & won't ever", inside I knew that something is LOST. 
Something that I owned, something that was mine. 
It might be a letter, a conversation, a smile, my emotions, feelings, maybe trust or love. 
I know I won't feel the same again, for it did matter. Something was LOST, something inside was... lost - my 'self', the inner 'I'.. 
This Gain- Loss of 'I' that we face is actually -"being human".

Friday, December 18, 2009

I Found You..

I  Found  You ...

Sometimes I smile when I think about you,
But why sobs are more and smiles so few.
When I look back into the time just to thank Lord,
For the precious gift He gave me in your form.
I find those silent memories with you clouding my mind,
And only one word about you my Remembrance could find.

FAKE ... FAKE ... yeah FAKE
Yeah so were you,
Sobs more and Smiles so few.
You pretended , you lied .
and Truth in you somewhere flied.
I thought I'll call you my friend ... my inner being,
Would confide in you all that I've ever  been.

I still smile thinking about you ,
Fibber , Liar , Serpent ... all of it I found in you.
I doubted my reasons and I doubted your mistakes,
I thought in thousands before this decision I could take.

I don't want you to make me cry any more ,
I don't want you to sour those dead sores ,
I want you to go , just go ... go away ,
So that in future we never cross each other's way.

I want to throw that paper and pen,
I want to wash your name from them.
I still write thinking about those days,
Why I hurt myself everyday?
Why I look for reasons to reconcile my thoughts ?
Why do I keep telling myself that you aren't the same as I thought?

I still look back into the time,
Just to find that you were TRUE sometime.
My all efforts go in vain ,
When I find your hands stained.
Stained with so many immorals , so many lies ,
That all my faith in you , in just a moment flies.

I want you to tell me that it wasn't you ,
        I want you to tell me that your mistakes were just so few.
But I see a dead silence from your side,
It was always me and never you by my side.

You made me realize the level of your fidelity ,
    I never wished to but you made me face the REALITY ,
I want to close my eyes to this verity,
I still want to live in the very same reverie.
       I snivel when I see that all that I thought was just a tall tale,
           I pity at my own self when I see the end of my Fairy- Tale.

Here , I mark the end.
From here I won't ever call you my friend.
This is the END , yeah this is the END of our amity ,
      There I see you Going and here I stand still counting your qualities.

I don't know what you had ever achieved but My TRUST you had won ,
Whatever I may say , but : You were the one and shall always remain the only ONE .

I still write about you ,
I still write about those times when I found you ..